i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
