Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
