You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
