According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
