ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
