i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
