I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
