I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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