I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
