new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
