I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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