even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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