So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
