Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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