put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
