i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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