i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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