My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They took my balls.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
