My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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