ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
