We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
