Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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