I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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