we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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