I swear she didn't look like that last week.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
