my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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