Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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