so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
