Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My vagina just clenched in fear
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