She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
