he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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