its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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