I can text with my tongue
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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