Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
