M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Farmville is her only friend.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
