He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
