she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
