and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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