I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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