he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
