Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
