Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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