do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
