i wish my penis had a tongue
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
