You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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