Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
