just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
