Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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