batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
