I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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